Hairy had been living a normal life with humans until it is realized the scar on his left testicle means he is a master coxman capable of boning all the women in the world. He is wisked away by a bunch of naked flying babes who he then has sex with.
At the Hogballs Academy of Fucking, Hairy learnes to screw in positions he'd only dreamt of. He also learns to weild his magical dong bone with extraordinary passion.
Hairy's rivals, Vaginamort and Malfart, are vanquished when Hairy explodes their scrotums in a titanic match of Queefitch. Hairy celebrates by having a threesome with his friends, Hugemiones and Rod.
The End.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Year 2: The Chasm of Secretions
Hairy is idling away the summer at the Dorkley's residence until his friend Rod shows up to take him back to the Hogballs Academy of Fucking in his flying dildo. They stop on the way to pick up some babes and both take turns driving while the other receives smooth handies in the back seat.
Once at Hogballs, Hairy meets Rod's sister, Vaginny Sleasley, who is all after Hairy's junk. Before she can bed the studly boy wizard, however, she inadvertently opens the Chasm of Secretions, slathering everyone around in sweaty sex juices. The secretions start pertifying everyone's wood and soon everyone except Hairy is locked into a constant cycle of fucking and sucking. It turns out to be all part of Hairy's arch nemesis Lord Malfart's plan to keep Hairy from tasting Vaginny's sweet hair pie.
Hairy, however, is able to weild his magical dong bone to summon the Monsters of Cock, who do battle with Malfart's evil Frankengine. Hairy is victorious and the Chasm is closed. Malfart is told what's what and Hairy gets to work beating Vaginny's tight poonanny up nice.
The End.
Once at Hogballs, Hairy meets Rod's sister, Vaginny Sleasley, who is all after Hairy's junk. Before she can bed the studly boy wizard, however, she inadvertently opens the Chasm of Secretions, slathering everyone around in sweaty sex juices. The secretions start pertifying everyone's wood and soon everyone except Hairy is locked into a constant cycle of fucking and sucking. It turns out to be all part of Hairy's arch nemesis Lord Malfart's plan to keep Hairy from tasting Vaginny's sweet hair pie.
Hairy, however, is able to weild his magical dong bone to summon the Monsters of Cock, who do battle with Malfart's evil Frankengine. Hairy is victorious and the Chasm is closed. Malfart is told what's what and Hairy gets to work beating Vaginny's tight poonanny up nice.
The End.
Year 3: The Pisser of Azkaboob
Hairy is totally bored and horny during the summer and wants to go to Hogmeat, an all jizzarding village near the Hogballs Academy of Fucking. He is dissapointed by the lack of talent (ie no babes) at Hogmeat and flips out, exploding an old man's old balls with his phallic wand.
Now on the run from the law, Hairy hitches a ride in the Bang Bus where he plows some nice hole and learns that that Seriously Black has been Pissin' on Azkaboobs. Hairy next encounters Cornholio Fudge Tunnel, who doesn't punish Hairy for blowing up old balls, altho Hairy does have to spend some time at the Leaking Oily Discharge Cauldron.
Hairy then goes back to school and plays a lot of his favorite game, Queef-itch.
Hairy also can't get enough of that juicy Hogmeat, going back several times and also frequents the Shrinking Sack, a constantly shrinking house made of testicle skin.
Eventually, Hairy gets into some problems with Professor Lupenis, a were-cunt (tranvestite wolf) and the evil Snapenis and a map and his dead parents and then Hairy goes back in time and saves a Hippospliff named Fuckbeak or some dumb shit.
Finally it is revealed that Black was Hairy Pooter's parent's pimp, who whored them out like a couple of dirty magical hookers. Black then asks if Hairy would like to star in his next movie, Black's Big Stick and Three White Chicks. But Black is jailed for pedophilia before they can get started and writes Hairy love letters from jail every day. What a gay wad.
The End.
Now on the run from the law, Hairy hitches a ride in the Bang Bus where he plows some nice hole and learns that that Seriously Black has been Pissin' on Azkaboobs. Hairy next encounters Cornholio Fudge Tunnel, who doesn't punish Hairy for blowing up old balls, altho Hairy does have to spend some time at the Leaking Oily Discharge Cauldron.
Hairy then goes back to school and plays a lot of his favorite game, Queef-itch.
Hairy also can't get enough of that juicy Hogmeat, going back several times and also frequents the Shrinking Sack, a constantly shrinking house made of testicle skin.
Eventually, Hairy gets into some problems with Professor Lupenis, a were-cunt (tranvestite wolf) and the evil Snapenis and a map and his dead parents and then Hairy goes back in time and saves a Hippospliff named Fuckbeak or some dumb shit.
Finally it is revealed that Black was Hairy Pooter's parent's pimp, who whored them out like a couple of dirty magical hookers. Black then asks if Hairy would like to star in his next movie, Black's Big Stick and Three White Chicks. But Black is jailed for pedophilia before they can get started and writes Hairy love letters from jail every day. What a gay wad.
The End.
Year 4: The Goblet of Farts
Another summer of Hairy's is spent jaggingov until Voldofart does something bad. But instead of doing something to stop him, pussy Hairy decides to go frig off at World Cup of Queefitch. Hairy's friend, Hugemioners, provides Hairy with all the beat off material he needs when she gets a public bukake from the entire Irish Queefitch team.
Balls drained and back at school, Hairy meets a new teacher, Auror "Brown-Eye" Moody who is a total "asshole". Then it's announced there's another wizard battle at the Tri-Nippled Tournament. Hairy only has two nipples and is not supposed to go but he blows a judge and gets a free pass.
Then they all fight some faggot dragons or some shit.
There is also a big dance that all the little wizards have to get dates for. Unfortunately they are all so young and horny the young wizards trip all over their boners while asking out their potential date-rape victims. Hairy's friend Rod's boner is the most turgid of them all.
But before the dance the final competition of the TriNi Tourney takes place, in which the wizards race thru a maze to be the first to grab the Goblet of Farts. Hairy and his competitor Cerdick Dickery reach at the Goblet of Farts at the same time, so they grab each others cocks and call it a tie like a couple of queers.
Then the main bad guy reveals himself and - surprise, it's Voldofarts! - who knew? Hairy almost dies but is instead saved by his dead ass parents who totally fuck Voldofarto straight back to hell. It also turns out that Professor "Brown-Eye" was a "shitty" traitor in a "balloon-knot" disguise. What a "shocker."
As Hairy is the hero, again, for the fourth time in four years, he finally gets what he wanted: an all night suck and fuck fest Ching Chong, the female wizard with the magical sideways bearded clam.
Balls drained and back at school, Hairy meets a new teacher, Auror "Brown-Eye" Moody who is a total "asshole". Then it's announced there's another wizard battle at the Tri-Nippled Tournament. Hairy only has two nipples and is not supposed to go but he blows a judge and gets a free pass.
Then they all fight some faggot dragons or some shit.
There is also a big dance that all the little wizards have to get dates for. Unfortunately they are all so young and horny the young wizards trip all over their boners while asking out their potential date-rape victims. Hairy's friend Rod's boner is the most turgid of them all.
But before the dance the final competition of the TriNi Tourney takes place, in which the wizards race thru a maze to be the first to grab the Goblet of Farts. Hairy and his competitor Cerdick Dickery reach at the Goblet of Farts at the same time, so they grab each others cocks and call it a tie like a couple of queers.
Then the main bad guy reveals himself and - surprise, it's Voldofarts! - who knew? Hairy almost dies but is instead saved by his dead ass parents who totally fuck Voldofarto straight back to hell. It also turns out that Professor "Brown-Eye" was a "shitty" traitor in a "balloon-knot" disguise. What a "shocker."
As Hairy is the hero, again, for the fourth time in four years, he finally gets what he wanted: an all night suck and fuck fest Ching Chong, the female wizard with the magical sideways bearded clam.
Year 5: The Orgy of the Fetus
It’s another boring summer and Hairy wonders why he now has hair where there was no hair before. He asks his neighbor Areola Fagg what the extra hair is for and the end up enmeshed together in an all night suck and fuck fest.
After drilling and pounding and licking into the wee hours of the night, Hairy is summoned by a homosexual owl to the Orgy of the Fetus.
“What is this, some kind of sick joke, I’m supposed to orgy with fetuses?” asked the inquisitive young teenaged boy wizard. “That’s sick you demented fucks.”
“No Hairy,” said Hugemione, Hairy’s busty friend, “it’s actually the Orgy of the Three Dicks. That was a typo we made printing the invitations.”
“How did you mistype ‘three dicks’ as a ‘fetus’? Don’t you mean mispronounced or something?”
“Hairy, quite stalling. Now you’ve got a lot of frotting to do, which is why I assembled these two other boners here.”
“Oohhhh, not the Measly twins,” groaned young Hairy, “their pathetic dicks live up to their equally pathetic name.”
“Enough bitching, Hairy, it’s time to bump cocks. Now get that magical ‘wand’ of your fully turgid and start penis fencing.”
“Wait, it is the orgy of the three dicks – what are you doing here?”
“I’m here to watch, faggot.”
And so Hairy and the Measly brothers rubbed their glanses together while Hugemeonies diddled her little twat until they are interrupted by Clotores Umbitch. Clotores has taken over the Hogballs School because she is an evil deadly robo bitch.
Clotores is also racsist against half giants and centaurs and every other kind of freak that is hanging out at Hogballs and really starts to piss everyone off. Unfortunately she’s really good at being a cunt and Hogballs is full of pussy wizards and no one can do shit while she runs rampage all over their lame asses.
Finally, Hairy musters the sack to take on Clotores and in some crazy irony, Clotores is defeated BECAUSE of her hatred for freaks when a bunch of Centaurs fuck her up. And that’s crazy because it is well established that Clotores HATES centaurs.
Anyway, surprise surprise, it was all some red herring set up by Loud Voldofart who is trying once again to screw Hairy’s pooper.
And once again, Dombledork eventually gets off his fat fucking lazy ass and helps Hairy nearly vanquish Voldofart once and almost for all.
Before settling in for another long boring summer, Hairy assembled Hugemeonies, Gyna, Rod’s sister who subbed in for Hairy in the game of Queefitch, and Eta Skeeta, who writes a newspaper.
“Ladies, since I am, like, the raddest wizard kid in the world, I will now ask something of all of you,” said Hairy.
“Yes, Hairy,” they said, “We are all so impressed by your big fat magical wand, we’ll do whatever you say.”
“Then you know what I want. I want to see some tribbing.”
“You mean vagina on vagina rubbing? Clit-clatting?”
“That’s right, damn it. Now get busy, those gashes aren’t going to mash themselves.”
The end.
After drilling and pounding and licking into the wee hours of the night, Hairy is summoned by a homosexual owl to the Orgy of the Fetus.
“What is this, some kind of sick joke, I’m supposed to orgy with fetuses?” asked the inquisitive young teenaged boy wizard. “That’s sick you demented fucks.”
“No Hairy,” said Hugemione, Hairy’s busty friend, “it’s actually the Orgy of the Three Dicks. That was a typo we made printing the invitations.”
“How did you mistype ‘three dicks’ as a ‘fetus’? Don’t you mean mispronounced or something?”
“Hairy, quite stalling. Now you’ve got a lot of frotting to do, which is why I assembled these two other boners here.”
“Oohhhh, not the Measly twins,” groaned young Hairy, “their pathetic dicks live up to their equally pathetic name.”
“Enough bitching, Hairy, it’s time to bump cocks. Now get that magical ‘wand’ of your fully turgid and start penis fencing.”
“Wait, it is the orgy of the three dicks – what are you doing here?”
“I’m here to watch, faggot.”
And so Hairy and the Measly brothers rubbed their glanses together while Hugemeonies diddled her little twat until they are interrupted by Clotores Umbitch. Clotores has taken over the Hogballs School because she is an evil deadly robo bitch.
Clotores is also racsist against half giants and centaurs and every other kind of freak that is hanging out at Hogballs and really starts to piss everyone off. Unfortunately she’s really good at being a cunt and Hogballs is full of pussy wizards and no one can do shit while she runs rampage all over their lame asses.
Finally, Hairy musters the sack to take on Clotores and in some crazy irony, Clotores is defeated BECAUSE of her hatred for freaks when a bunch of Centaurs fuck her up. And that’s crazy because it is well established that Clotores HATES centaurs.
Anyway, surprise surprise, it was all some red herring set up by Loud Voldofart who is trying once again to screw Hairy’s pooper.
And once again, Dombledork eventually gets off his fat fucking lazy ass and helps Hairy nearly vanquish Voldofart once and almost for all.
Before settling in for another long boring summer, Hairy assembled Hugemeonies, Gyna, Rod’s sister who subbed in for Hairy in the game of Queefitch, and Eta Skeeta, who writes a newspaper.
“Ladies, since I am, like, the raddest wizard kid in the world, I will now ask something of all of you,” said Hairy.
“Yes, Hairy,” they said, “We are all so impressed by your big fat magical wand, we’ll do whatever you say.”
“Then you know what I want. I want to see some tribbing.”
“You mean vagina on vagina rubbing? Clit-clatting?”
“That’s right, damn it. Now get busy, those gashes aren’t going to mash themselves.”
The end.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Year 6: The Half Pud Prince
Harry joins a Pooshuns class about the Half Pud Pimp, a prince with pud that is never not being pumped. Harry is so good at pulling his own pud that he wins a pootion of his own called He-licks Clit-itis.
Meanwhile, Rod and Hugemiones are in a lover’s quarrel about whether or not they should 69 more often. Hugmeione has her raisins titty twisted into submission by Rod and the two young fucks agree to compromise on three 69s and a turkey blumpkin every week.
Meanwhile, the Half Pud Pimp, whose pint-sized pud Harry is learning all about, turns out to be Harry’s enemy, Snapenus. The two rim jobbing queens battle it out, pud on pud, until a stray pud is flung on to Dumbledork, whose own diminutive dork is also being cast about in a flurry of faggortry. Dumbledork can’t handle all the excess pud cascading down his face and neck and bosom and he dies.
Or does he?
With one book left I’m betting on Harry taking out that big wand of his and beats that dork off until Dumbledork is alive and Snapenis is dead. Then the two of them can go back to beating their respective dorks off for all of humanity and also huge manatees.
Then end.
Or is it?
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Year 7: The Dame who Swallows
Hairy is so sick of the same shit happeneing year after year and can't believe it (tho isn't at all suprised) when he ends up on yet another dumb ass mission to help save the world or whatever the fuck it is this time. Hairy needs to find the Dame who Swallows so he can pump his DNA down some whore's throat which represents the soul of Voldofart, or Hairy's soul. Or something else, Hairy is not really sure, he just wants to get a nice sloppy beej and end this retarded series forever.
Unfortuntely things go badly for our young hero. He isn't able to destory the last Whorecrux and Draco Malfart, who this entire time has been the real bad guy (no fuckin shit?) gets his hands on the Eldongs Wand. Malfart uses the wand to savagely savage Hairy's pooper. It is a sodomizing for the ages and Hairy is devestated, expecially his ass region.
Hairy decides to give up magic forever, recongizing that it is akin to pagan witchcraft, and recommits himself to the Christian faith. As a born again, Hairy does not believe in birth control and starts banging his best friend's sister, Gina Sleazly, raw dog.
Epilouge:
It's 19 years later and Gyna squirted out 3 kids that Hairy is stuck supporting. Hairy is miserable and bored and the scar on his ball sack has not itched since the savaging of his ass all those years ago.
"Way to go bitch, you fucked it all up," Hairy said to his wife.
"Shut the fuck up you whiney, buttfucking son of a bitch. What have you got to complain about, huh? I take care of your two biggest needs in life, don't I?" Gyna replies.
"And what would those be?"
"I keep your belly full and your balls empty."
"Yeah. Yeah I guess you do. I love you, you fucking cunt."
"Up yours, queer."
The fucking end.
Unfortuntely things go badly for our young hero. He isn't able to destory the last Whorecrux and Draco Malfart, who this entire time has been the real bad guy (no fuckin shit?) gets his hands on the Eldongs Wand. Malfart uses the wand to savagely savage Hairy's pooper. It is a sodomizing for the ages and Hairy is devestated, expecially his ass region.
Hairy decides to give up magic forever, recongizing that it is akin to pagan witchcraft, and recommits himself to the Christian faith. As a born again, Hairy does not believe in birth control and starts banging his best friend's sister, Gina Sleazly, raw dog.
Epilouge:
It's 19 years later and Gyna squirted out 3 kids that Hairy is stuck supporting. Hairy is miserable and bored and the scar on his ball sack has not itched since the savaging of his ass all those years ago.
"Way to go bitch, you fucked it all up," Hairy said to his wife.
"Shut the fuck up you whiney, buttfucking son of a bitch. What have you got to complain about, huh? I take care of your two biggest needs in life, don't I?" Gyna replies.
"And what would those be?"
"I keep your belly full and your balls empty."
"Yeah. Yeah I guess you do. I love you, you fucking cunt."
"Up yours, queer."
The fucking end.
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